Episode One begins with five fledgling adventurers learning that someone, somewhere, has decided they are qualified for an expedition.
This is the first mistake.
The company behind the opportunity is Infinity Expeditions, an organization known for running competitive expeditions in remote and extremely dangerous places.
Every few years, they gather groups of new adventurers, deposit them somewhere unpleasant, and see what happens.
This time, the rules are simple.
The Misfits will be taken to a massive wilderness island.
They will have eleven months.
If they simply survive until the end, Infinity Expeditions will pay them 1,000 gold pieces.
If they locate and return with proof of a specific quarry, they receive 2,000 gold pieces and can leave early.
Naturally, everyone immediately prefers the option involving twice as much money and significantly more danger.
The expedition begins in the city of Ordain, where the party boards a ship alongside two other teams of five adventurers.
So this is not merely survival.
It is a competition.
That information immediately makes the other adventurers aboard the ship substantially less likable.
The Misfits settle in for the voyage.
Darius Crow quickly establishes that he does not enjoy being on the ocean.
This becomes relevant because the expedition requires quite a lot of ocean.
There is discussion of seasickness.
There is discussion of throwing people overboard.
There is discussion of Darius climbing into the crow’s nest because his name is Crow.
There is also some concern about exactly what happens when a creature partially composed of fire uses a shared shipboard toilet.
Infinity Expeditions presumably did not include this question in the orientation packet.
After a long voyage, land finally appears.
And it is much larger than expected.
The island is a sprawling, mountainous wilderness covered in dense forests, rocky coastline, steep cliffs and mysterious mist rising from the interior.
This is not a small arena where three teams will occasionally bump into one another.
This place is enormous.
The ship begins circling the island and depositing the competing teams at separate locations.
The Misfits watch one group go ashore.
Then another.
Eventually, their turn comes.
Before they leave, an elderly representative of Infinity Expeditions finally explains what they are hunting.
Somewhere in the mountainous interior lives a legendary creature.
An albino drake.
The party must bring back convincing proof that they found it.
A scale is suggested.
That is apparently not enough.
Infinity wants something substantial.
Exactly how substantial becomes a discussion that probably should not be repeated in the official expedition records.
Each adventurer is also given a messenger coin.
If someone decides the expedition has become a terrible mistake, they can break the coin and signal the ship.
Infinity Expeditions will then return to retrieve them.
In approximately three to five days.
The party immediately recognizes that three to five days is an impressively long rescue time when something is actively eating you.
The coins therefore function less like an emergency extraction device and more like a way to notify the company where the bodies can eventually be collected.
With morale suitably established, the Misfits are loaded into a dinghy along with crates of supplies.
Infinity has provided enough provisions for roughly two months.
After that, they will need to hunt, forage, craft and otherwise keep themselves alive.
The party lands on a rocky beach.
The ship leaves.
For the first time, they are alone.
Which means the expedition has officially begun.
Almost immediately, they notice a river cutting through the landscape, a trail leading inland and a cave mouth on the opposite side.
The cave gets everyone’s attention.
Shelter is shelter.
The river turns out to be shallow enough to cross at a ford, although Darius remains appropriately suspicious of anything involving water.
The Misfits cross and investigate.
The cave is enormous.
Much larger than expected.
There are broad chambers, jagged sections of stone, elevated areas and even daylight visible through another opening.
Someone points out that it would be an excellent place for a dragon to live.
Everyone chooses to ignore this extremely reasonable observation.
Instead, they decide the cave would make an excellent base camp.
Tents go up.
Supplies are organized.
Territory is claimed.
There is a discussion about carving a party symbol near the entrance.
This rapidly becomes a discussion about far less dignified methods of marking territory.
There is also considerable interest in the party’s developing crafting abilities.
Fleck Iron Thigh can work with fine materials.
The group has smithing, tailoring, magical investment and glyph work spread among its members.
Corvvis is particularly interested in glyphs and the possibility of eventually creating enchanted equipment.
The process will require teamwork.
Someone must make a high-quality item.
Someone must inscribe the proper glyph.
Another member must invest the magic into it.
The problem is that Corvvis currently knows almost none of the useful glyphs.
He will need to discover, research or recover them during the expedition.
This does absolutely nothing to prevent him from immediately suggesting increasingly elaborate magical traps.
By the time the discussion ends, the party has not created a single enchanted item but has already mentally constructed several devices capable of killing intruders.
This seems promising.
Night passes without disaster.
The next morning, the Misfits leave their new cave and follow the trail inland.
The weather begins to turn.
Thunder cracks behind them.
Wind moves through the trees.
Rain begins falling.
The trail winds deeper into the forest between rising cliffs.
The party moves carefully.
Or at least they attempt to.
Corvvis takes the lead.
Ahead, someone detects living creatures.
Nobody knows exactly what they are.
Then something drops from a tree and lands directly in the path.
It is a squirrel.
Not a normal squirrel.
This squirrel stands roughly three to three-and-a-half feet tall.
It wears armor made from bark.
It carries a dagger and a sling.
It is clearly intelligent.
It is clearly armed.
And it is clearly not happy to see them.
Someone immediately names it George.
George delivers a warning.
The strangers do not belong here.
This is his people’s land.
They should leave.
At this moment, several reasonable options are available.
The party could apologize.
They could negotiate.
They could explain the expedition.
They could turn around.
Corvvis chooses another approach.
He steps dramatically into the path and attempts to reveal the glowing magical tattoos covering his body so he can convince the squirrel that the group is somehow important.
There is one minor problem.
Corvvis does not have glowing magical tattoos.
This comes as disappointing news to Corvvis.
He then attempts to salvage the performance using his illumination abilities.
This leads to the discovery that everyone is still figuring out exactly how those abilities work.
Diplomacy remains technically possible.
Then someone decides to make a Wilderness check.
Not to learn about squirrel society.
Not to determine whether George is friendly.
To determine whether George is safe to eat.
The party discusses skinning him.
Someone asks whether they eat sentient creatures.
The answer offered is essentially:
Of course we do.
At approximately this point, another squirrel appears.
And the situation deteriorates.
Weapons come out.
Arrows fly.
The Misfits attack.
Infinity Expeditions has sent five adventurers into an unexplored wilderness to hunt a legendary albino drake.
Their first real enemy is a squirrel.
Unfortunately, the squirrels are terrifying.
More of them appear among the trees and along the surrounding cliffs.
Some carry slings.
Others wield paired daggers.
They are quick, difficult to hit and surprisingly dangerous.
One hurls a sling stone into Corvvis.
Another rushes into melee and begins carving into the party with two blades.
A squirrel lands a vicious combination that deals enough damage for everyone to reconsider several recent decisions.
The table arrives at an important realization.
Earlier, they had been warned that creatures on the island might actually be capable of killing them.
Nobody expected the example to be squirrels.
The battle becomes a frantic lesson in Ember combat.
Characters aim carefully.
Defensive actions suddenly seem much more valuable.
Ranged attackers trade shots with squirrels perched high on the cliffs.
Enemies retreat through the trees.
Others charge forward.
One squirrel appears on a ridge, prompting a long debate over whether the creature is falling because of the terrain system.
The answer is no.
He is simply a squirrel standing fifteen feet above everyone.
This does not stop anyone from hoping he falls.
Rocky and Bullwinkle references follow.
Then Rocky Raccoon.
Then Tom Petty.
At some point the battle briefly becomes a survey of entertainment enjoyed by people old enough to remember Howdy Doody.
Meanwhile, the squirrels continue trying to murder everyone.
Darius Crow moves into the fight with his enormous hammer.
Corvvis takes punishment from multiple directions.
Arrows continue flying into the cliffs.
Several squirrels are badly wounded.
Some fall.
Others begin retreating.
The Misfits start to gain control of the fight, although “control” may be too generous a description.
Eventually Darius finds himself facing another squirrel and decides to attempt something dramatic.
He throws his hammer.
The hammer is not designed to be thrown.
This is explained.
Darius throws it anyway.
It may not be the most efficient attack of the battle.
It is, however, impressive.
By the closing moments, several squirrels have been killed or driven away, but two remain visible—one on the cliff and another on the ground near Darius.
The party has survived its first serious encounter.
Mostly.
And then the GM explains something important.
The squirrel encounter could have been resolved through negotiation.
The Misfits did not have to fight them.
There had been another path.
The party considers this revelation.
Someone insists that they tried talking.
This is technically true.
There had been talking.
There had also been discussion of eating George.
And then there had been arrows.
So the first day of Crucible of Misfits ends with several important discoveries.
The island is enormous.
The albino drake is somewhere in the mountains.
Three teams are competing for the same prize.
The Misfits have a cave, supplies, developing crafting skills and messenger coins that may eventually rescue them.
The forest is inhabited by intelligent creatures.
And the party has already declared war on at least some of them.
They came to the island looking for a dragon.
They may eventually find one.
But first they have to survive the squirrels.